THE DEER HUNT

By: David P. Sterner


   I have been asked to document the events surrounding my 1997 hunt for whitetail deer. I know not whether this information is so that future hunters might benefit from my knowledge, or if it might be for a bio graphy of my life, which I'm sure someone is writing. Nevertheless, the following are the facts leading up to the taking of an elusive Pennsylvania whitetail buck.I must start by saying that I was tired of the same old ho-hum killing of a buck every year . It became necessary to make the hunt more challenging, therefore providing myself with at least an opportunity to engage in an activity that would require the use of some of my vast woodsman skills. To that end, I felt it necessary to lay a little grou n dwork. Most people who saw me in the woods during the first week and a half of the season, thought that I was hunting just as they were. Little did they know, nor could they comprehend the true reasoning for my daily forays into the woods. I wanted the b uck I killed this year to be the smartest most wary creature in the woods, excluding myself of course. Rack size, spread and points were not to be considered a factor. The only criteria for my buck would be exceptional intelligence. By walking throughout my hunting area, I eliminated many of the inferior buck by driving them to hunters who otherwise might have just spent their time in the woods watching squirrels. By doing so, I helped provide many less capable hunters a chance to fill out their tags. I cannot vouch for the marksmanship of these sportsmen, and can only hope that they were at least minutely as proficient with a rifle as I am. After all, I'm only one man, but I do what I can for the little people.

   After almost two weeks of culling the gene pool of both deer and hunters, I felt that any buck left in the woods had passed the first part of the test. Those left would now provide more of a challenge. The second part of my strategy was now to trick these smart and educated buck into thi n king I was just another average hunter in the woods. Therefore, I began to act like I was having difficulty. I tripped over logs, fell asleep, dropped my gun and yelled in pain when briars and thorns found their mark. At times I even shivered and acted like I was cold. All of this of course was to cloak the truth, which was to lure a buck into a sense of superiority. Finally, the last day of the season arrived, and it was now time to cash in on all of the hard work.

   On Saturday morning I arrived at my hunting location along with my father. This created somewhat of a problem, which I will go into later. Even with the confidence of knowing the only deer left were of extreme intelligence, I decided to provide them with yet another deception. I slam m ed the truck doors, had a coughing fit and dropped my shells on the ground. This alerted the deer to my presence, which was what I wanted. I had now done almost everything I could to give the deer a sporting chance. I then turned my attention to my fat h er. He has not been too lucky in his hunting career, and it was up to me to provide some excitement for him. Therefore I placed him in a spot that I knew would be a factor later. He stood at the Northern most end of a large thicket that was laced with briars and pine trees, and opened up into a fairly thick woods. I went to the South-Western corner of the same thicket. This placed him about 80 yards from my location. Realistically, I knew he wouldn't actually get a shot at a buck since he didn't even know about what I had done with respect to the gene pool. He too thought I was just an average hunter, since he only ever saw the tripping and falling stuff. He would just make comments like, "Are you all right"? or " Did you check your scope after you fell out of your tree stand last week"? He was completely fooled.

   The 1997 Farmers Almanac said that on this particular morning the best chance of killing a deer was between 8:00 Am and 10:00 AM. Since I had worked the night before until 3:00 AM, and had to go to work again that evening, I decided to take care of my buck early so that I might be able to take a nap before work. I'm always thinking ahead like that. I did not use my tree stand for two reasons. Being on the ground is more challenging for o ne. Also, I had been carrying the stand on my back enroute to another spot in the woods some days before, when I had come across an exceptional location to employ my diversionary tactics. The area was strewn with logs, rocks, and shrubbery. It was also a highly visible spot, and I was sure deer were watching. There was a large gutter underneath the leaves, branches and twigs, which I pretended not to see. I then flung myself while swearing and flailing my arms into the ravine, and somersaulted to the b ottom. Although this had required incredible physical agility, I was up to the task. I landed on a large boulder that I had aimed for, and the impact tore my tree stand loose and broke a critical component. Perfect. I then gathered myself together, stood up and yelled, " Darnit, now I broke my tree stand". It was hard to keep from laughing, and it's possible that the tears on my face may have exposed to any onlookers, the myth I was trying to contain.

   Dawn broke and a large crow flew overhead shriek ing his caw-caw sound. I pretended to wake up and survey my surroundings as if I wasn't sure exactly where I was. By the way, I had deliberately left my flashlight in the truck so that I could stumble and break branches on the way to my spot. I was now ready to kill a buck. I could see a little bit of orange down to my right and knew this was my father. Everything was in place. At 8:00 AM I heard the tell-tale sounds of deer behind me to my right. I turned to see two doe leaving the thicket and trav e l away from me into the woods towards a little road called Private Lane. I knew they were trying to get away from me and were fearing for their lives. I then noticed a set of antlers emerging from the thicket. There was a buck. I wasn't sure if he was t he smartest one yet, so I waited to see what he would do. He came out of the thicket and traveled on a course that kept him between myself and a house, which was about three hundred yards away. Even though I knew the buck had no knowledge of my marksman s hip skills, I was still impressed that he figured I wouldn't shoot towards a residence. This was the buck I was looking for. All three deer traveled through the woods until they were out of sight. Most hunters would have been discouraged but I knew better. I had calculated that the traffic count on Private Lane would be high at that time of the morning. I knew the deer would have no choice but to turn back and head for the cover of the thicket.

   After about 5 minutes had passed, my calculations proved correct. All three deer were making their way back to the thicket. The house once again became a factor for a short time, and the two doe, had obviously lost their minds with fright and became confused, because they began walking straight towards me. The buck however went into the thicket and traveled just inside providing me with only fleeting glimpses of it. By now the does were only about 10 yards from me. It became necessary for me to become one with my surroundings. I did so with ease. I was looking through my scope and at one point saw that the buck was facing me. Oh yes, this was a smart buck. I knew that he knew I was there. It was now me against him. He made the critical error of turning slightly. I knew that I must make a very difficult shot through a very small opening in the thicket if my bullet was to find its mark. Since this was not a problem for me, the only factor left was involving my father in this experience. At the crack of the rifle, the buck bolted from his cover and ran straight for me. I'm sure at that point he was thinking of nothing other than killing me. His charge was deflected however when he saw that I had not chambered another round and instead was drawing my knife from it's sheath. He must have decided that death by rifle was better than hand to horn combat with me. He really was a smart buck. He bounded back into the thicket and began crashing through it directly towards my dad. He never made it.
 

   I waited a couple of minutes and then began walking towards dad. He saw my approach and met me half way. He said that he heard the deer coming towards him but that it had stopped about 40 yards behind him. I could see the excitement on his face. Mission accomplished! To further his experience even more, I requested that he help me track the buck. We headed into the thicket and I let him find the blood trail. We followed it for a while and jumped the buck. He was not dead, because I had placed my shot in the exact spot that would allow him to survive long enough to let dad have some fun. I then circled down and around and strategically placed myself where I knew that smart old buck would be between me and my father. This was done mostly as a safety precaution for dad. I figured if that buck wanted a piece of me one on one, I did not want dad getting hurt when I went into action. Dad got to within about 40 yards of me when to my surprise the buck jumped up. He had been laying only about 10 yards from me. I realized that this buck was indeed something spe c ial and had all the qualities I had been looking for. I drew my knife, placed it between my teeth and started after him. I then decided, that since he had fought such a good battle, and had provided my father and I with some enjoyment, that I would simp ly shoot him rather than subject him to a savage beating. I picked up my rifle, got him in the cross hairs and wished him luck in the after life. I then pulled the trigger and it was done.

   I hope the facts that I have just related do not make anyone too envious. Not all hunters can have the skills that I have acquired. I would however be willing to teach those of you who are dedicated to being more like me how to at least simulate some of my knowledge. This would unfortunately require a lot of my t ime and that doesn't come cheap. You see, I've recently decided to start a hunting school. I want to use the money to find a cure for a medical condition which my wife has come down with. It seems that whenever I speak about my times afield, her eyes r o ll up in their sockets and her arms flap against her sides like a rooster crowing the break of dawn. It seems to get even worse at social gatherings for some reason. I'm very proud of my wife and her sense of humor. Even with all of her problems, she still makes me laugh. The other day I told her about my school idea and mentioned that it would be called, "STERNER'S BE ONE WITH THE WOODS". When she was done rolling and flapping , she said that I'd better get cash up front, and tell anyone that enrolled that there would be no refunds. She's such a kidder.

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